


Lazarus Rising

by saintnoname



Category: Avengers, Marvel
Genre: Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Character Death, Cold, Crying, Fire, Kissing, M/M, Pain, Peril, Torch Keeper AU, Winterhawk Week, kind of, so much pain, whoops spoiler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-28
Updated: 2015-09-28
Packaged: 2018-04-23 18:39:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4887643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saintnoname/pseuds/saintnoname
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>"You came back."</i><br/> <br/>In a world where love can be dangerous, Bucky finds, then loses, then finds the love of his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lazarus Rising

**Author's Note:**

> This began as a prompt fill for the prompt "You came back," but it developed into soooo much more. It's inspired by the Torch Keeper series by Steven Dos Santos.
> 
> Suggested listening: [Lazarus by Porcupine Tree](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTjc1sPktlY)

“You—you came back,” Clint stuttered.  It sounded forced, like it took a great deal of effort for him to get the words out.  His whole body was shaking.

It broke Bucky’s heart so much that he almost considered staying and dying with him.  But that would mean death for his sister.  Bucky couldn’t be selfish and let himself die, because Becca was depending on him.

“Of course I did,” Bucky choked, Clint blurring through his tears.  He wondered if his tears would freeze if he stayed in the simulation long enough.  He didn’t know how they got it to snow underground, but he had to give them props for creativity.

He did know that just a few yards away was the finish line—and warmth.  He must have been crazy to run back into the sim after making it to the end (and warmth), but he couldn’t just leave Clint there.  So as soon as he’d crossed the finish line and ensured Becca’s safety, he ran back to join him.

Bucky knelt in the snow and pulled Clint into his arms.  “I couldn’t let you die alone.”  He wondered what would happen if he didn’t let Clint die at all.  What would happen if he dragged Clint across the finish line with him?

They’d probably both be shelved, and in more violent ways than freezing to death.  And Becca would probably be shelved alone with them.  It was a no-win situation.

“I love you,” Bucky said, and the floodgates burst open.  The tears he’d managed until then to keep dammed in his eyes streamed down his face.  “I love you so much.”  How was he supposed to just let Clint die?  And how was he supposed to walk away and live afterward?

“I love you, too,” Clint replied.

Bucky held Clint close, leaning down to kiss his forehead.  “I don’t want to go on without you.”

Clint reached up to place a shaking hand on Bucky’s face.  “But you have to.  For—for your sister.”

Bucky shook his head.  “I know.  I just—I don’t know what I’m supposed to do after I leave.”

“Save your sister.  Don’t let her go to Haven.  Go to Imposer training.”  He pulled Bucky down close so he could whisper without the cameras picking it up.  “And bring down the Establishment for me, from the shadows, from the inside.”  He swallowed hard.  “Find the other Insurrectionists.  There’s Bruce Banner, Natasha Romanoff, T-Tony Stark…Thor Odinson, and…and we’ve got a couple working from the inside, too.  Their names are Sam Wilson and Steve Rogers.”

Steve Rogers?  That couldn’t be right.  Steve Rogers was Bucky’s closest friend as a child, and had remained his best friend until Steve was recruited.  He hadn’t spoken to Steve since, but he knew Steve would almost be a full-blown Imposer now.  Bucky had seen Steve graduate to fifth tier not that long ago, which meant it was less than a year now before Steve joined the military elite as an Imposer.  If Steve really was working against the Establishment from the inside, he was doing a damn good job, and he was being careful about it.

Bucky took Clint’s hand, holding it to his chest.  “I’ll do all of that.  I promise.”  Bucky kissed Clint on the lips.  He felt Clint kiss him back.

“Good, Clint said, managing a smile.  “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too.  So much.”

Clint’s eyes got a distant look, and his smiled became more genuine.  “I don’t feel so cold anymore.  I feel… _warm_.”

Clint went still in Bucky’s arms.

Bucky’s sobs returned, but he knew he had no time to stay there and mourn.  He forced himself to his feet and crossed the finish line for the second and final time.

 

* * *

 

“Hey, Bucky!”

Steve’s voice snapped Bucky to attention.  He flexed the metal fingers of his left hand, then looked up at his childhood friend.  “Yeah, Steve?”

The one good thing that had come out of Bucky being recruited was that he was reunited with his childhood best friend, and that it meant there were now _three_ insurrectionists on the inside.  The third was Sam Wilson, third tier and Steve’s lover.

“Suit up,” Steve commanded.  “We’re on street sweeping duty.”

Once they were outside, Steve turned to Bucky.  “I’ll take east, you take west?  As usual?”

Bucky shrugged.  “I’m feeling adventurous.  I’ll take east this time.”

“That’s okay with me.  Usual meeting place, or would you like to change things up in that regard, too?”

Bucky snorted.  “Usual meeting place is fine.  Unless you have a suggestion.”

“I’m okay with usual meeting place.”

“Alright.  I’ll see you in a couple hours.”

The two of them split up—Bucky going east and Steve heading west.

The streets were empty and quiet.  That was probably a good thing.  Bucky knew what they were supposed to do if they caught someone out after curfew.  He wasn’t sure he’d be able to do it.

“Hey, Barnes!”

Bucky turned to see a slightly winded Sam Wilson running toward him.  “Yeah?” Bucky called back, confused.

“There’s a change of plans.  There’s been an incident at one of the labs, and they want our whole squad on it.”  He hesitated.  “They’re saying it was done by the rebels, but…”

But Bucky and Sam both knew the rebels didn’t have anything planned for that night.

“Well, we better go see what’s going on,” Bucky said.

When their squad got to the lab, they saw that the building had smoke coming out of it.

“Holy shit,” said Alicia, the second tier recruit.  “How are we supposed to even get in there?”

“Where’s the fire department?” asked Hera, who was fourth tier and second in command.

Bucky, Steve, and Sam exchanged glances.  From the uneasiness in her voice, Hera must have been thinking what the three of them were: that there was something very wrong about all of this.

And if even someone who wasn’t part of the rebellion could see it, it was a pretty good sign it was true.

“Okay,” Steve said, getting into commander mode.  As first tier, he was the leader of their squad.  “We’re looking for room 230C.  The number starts with a 2, which means it’ll be on the second floor.”

“Which’ll make this even more difficult,” Hera bemoaned.  She was right though: if they were on the second floor, they’d have to worry about the floor collapsing from under them.

“We’ll be able to cover more ground if we split up,” Steve offered.  “Hera and Alicia, you’re a team.  Bucky, Sam, and I will be a team.”

Hera snorted.  “Great.  Splitting us up by gender.”

“That’s not true.”

Bucky knew the groupings had less to do with the genders of the people involved and more to do with whether or not they were part of the rebellion.  Their gender was incidental.  But of course, Hera and Alicia couldn’t know that.

“Would you two like Barnes on your team?” Steve asked in an act of goodwill, trying to show them that it wasn’t about gender at all.

But Hera shook her head.  “We’re good.”  She gave him a hint of a smirk.  “Can’t help but notice it’s the newbie and not your boyfriend that you offered to split up with.  You do know that part of the point of the Trials was to teach us not to form attachments?”

Steve gave her a withering look, but she didn’t back down, instead holding his gaze.  Her smirk turned triumphant.  She knew she had struck a chord.

“C’mon,” Sam stepped in.  “We don’t have time for this.”

Steve looked away.  “So one group needs to go straight to the room in question, and the other team will save as much from the other rooms as possible.  Any preferences?”

“We’ll take 230C,” Alicia replied.

“Alright.  We’ll meet back out front after, if it all goes according to plan.  Keep your comms on and send a message if you need help.  If we need help, we’ll do the same.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Hera replied.  She turned to Alicia.  “Let’s move.”  The two of them left.

As soon as the girls were gone, Sam turned to Steve.  “Is it just me, or is there something not right about this whole op?”

“You mean like the fact that they’re pinning this on the rebels, but the rebels didn’t have anything planned for tonight?  Or the fact that no effort is being made to put out the fire?  Or the fact that Bucky and I were pulled off street sweeping duty for this because they wanted our squad—which just so happens to be comprised of the newest trainees?  Or the fact that they’re most concerned with vacating one room, and everything else in the building is on a save what you can basis?”

“Uh, yeah.  All of that.  Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“If you’re thinking they’re destroying the lab on purpose, then yeah.”

Sam grinned.  “You read my mind, baby.  But why would they do that?”

“I don’t know.”

They didn’t have time to discuss it any further.  The three of them ran into the building and entered the first room they saw.  They shoved any research or files they found into the sacks they’d been given.  They had specifically been told to prioritize records over everything else.

The smoke was getting to be too much, and the three of them covered their noses and mouths with their shirts.  “Let’s get out of here!” Steve shouted, voice muffled.  They would just have to hope the girls managed to complete their own mission.

The three young men hurried out of the room.  Then whipped around to face the next lab.  Somebody was in there.

Steve drew his weapon, motioning for Sam and Bucky to stay behind him.  “Hello?” he called.  “Alicia?  Hera?”

The shuffling from inside the room stopped at Steve’s voice.  All three of them slowly approached the doorway, Steve in the lead.

A figure rushed out of the room, barreling into Bucky.  Bucky let out a cry as he fell to the floor with the figure on top of him. 

Steve trained his gun on the figure, paused, then lowered it with a look of awe on his face.

Bucky finally looked up at the man who ran into him.

It couldn’t be.  But somehow, it was.

“Clint?”

Steve and Sam helped the two of them to their feet.  “We have to move!” Sam insisted.  “Let’s go out front to meet the girls!”

“No,” Steve disagreed.  “Clint was being held here for a reason.  We can’t let them know we have him.  We go out a side door.”

Without further questions or comments, the four of them raced to a side door and burst through it outside.

Bucky took a big gulp of air, then coughed a few times.  Sure, the air out here had less smoke, but there was still smoke and ash in the air.

“We don’t have time to get him to the Insurrectionist base on the outskirts of town tonight,” Steve said, then coughed.  “We’ll have to find a safe place for him to stay until tomorrow night, and then you can take him there.”

Bucky’s face steeled.  “My old apartment’s about ten minutes from here.”

“It’ll still take too long to get there.  If we’re gone much longer, the girls will get suspicious.”

“I’ll cover for you,” Sam spoke up.  “I’ll tell ‘em you two went straight back to street sweeping duty after we finished up here.  That should buy you an hour at least.”

Steve gave him a smile that showed he was truly touched.  “I don’t deserve you.”

“You’re damn right, you don’t.”

Steve closed the distance between them to give Sam a hug, then took off his bag and gave it to Sam.  Steve turned to Bucky.  “Give him your bag.”

Bucky handed Sam his bag.  “Thank you.”  Then he grabbed Clint’s arm and started running with him.

It had been about three months since Bucky had seen Becca.  It was the trade-off that came with not sending her to Haven: while all the other recruits got to have a video visit with their surviving incentives once a month, Bucky had to catch his visits when he could, typically sneaking out to her.  But he’d rather see her less often and get to see her in person than get to talk with her more often, but only ever through video.

Bucky knew that Becca would probably be asleep and that this would mean waking her, but it was important enough that he had to.  He knocked on the door.  “Hey, sis?  It’s me.”  He waited a few seconds for her to answer.  When she didn’t, he knocked again.  “Becca?”

Shortly after, Becca opened the door.  She smiled wide.  “Bucky!  It’s been so long.”

Bucky returned the smile, wrapping his arms around her waist.  “I know!  It’s so good to see you.”

Becca returned the hug.  When she peered around his shoulder and saw who else was there, she let go of her brother and ran to Steve.  “Holy shit holy shit holy shit.”  She practically jumped onto him.

Laughing, Steve hugged her.  “I don’t remember you having such a mouth on you the last time I saw you.”

“The last time you saw me, I was eleven years old,” Becca countered.  Then she saw Clint and let go of Steve.  “The fuck is he?”

 

* * *

 

Once they were all inside and seated, Bucky told Becca who Clint was. 

Becca’s face lit up, then expressed confusion.  “So, you’re the love of my brother’s life.  But didn’t you die?”

Clint looked at Bucky with just a hint of a smile on his face.  “You told her I’m the love of your life?”

Bucky’s face turned pink.  “I didn’t think you’d ever know.”  He looked at Clint.  “Becca does have a point, though.”  His brows furrowed.  “How are you here?”

Clint frowned.  “I don’t remember anything after I was lying there with you sitting by me.”

Bucky nodded.  “That’s okay.  You don’t have to remember right now.”  It really wasn’t okay.  The Establishment had to have done something unnatural to Clint for him to be there right then, alive and talking.  They even found him in a lab.  It was probably for the better that Clint couldn’t remember what happened yet.

Steve stood.  “We need to get going, Buck.”

With a longing look at Clint, Bucky nodded.  He stood, then turned to his sister.  “I’ll be back tomorrow night.”

Becca nodded.  “I’m sure it’ll be interesting spending an entire day with my brother’s boyfriend who I’ve never met and thought was dead.”

Bucky gave her a sympathetic glance.  He knew this wasn’t the easiest position they were putting her in, asking her to do this.  “Thank you, Becca.”

Smiling, Becca stood to give him a hug goodbye.  “It was good to see you again, and it’ll be good to see you again so soon.”

“Good to see you, too,” Bucky replied, hugging her back.

Becca walked over to Steve and gave him a big hug.  “And _you_!  It was good to see you again, too.”

Steve hugged her back.  “Good to see you, too, Becca.”

 

* * *

 

When Steve and Bucky got back, their commanding officer waited to greet them.  “Hello,” she said with a bit of a sneer.  “I hear you two decided to finish your street sweeping patrol without first checking in.”

Steve straightened his spine.  “Yes, Sir.”

“That was not your call to make.  Next time, report back as soon as a mission is complete instead of going off on your own and having another member of your squad tell me where you are.”

“Yes, Sir,” Bucky and Steve answered in unison.

“The two of you will be cleaning all day tomorrow.”

“Yes, Sir.”

She looked them over again.  “You’re dismissed.  Get some sleep.”

“Yes, Sir.”

Bucky and Steve headed back to their quarters.  When they got there, they saw Sam sitting on his cot waiting for them.  Steve sat next to him, taking his face between his hands and kissing him.  Steve chuckled.  “Have you just been sitting here waiting for us the whole time?”

“No,” Sam answered.  “I cleaned one of my guns.”

“On the topic of cleaning, you do know Buck and I will be cleaning all day tomorrow.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Did you catch much slack for covering for us?”

Sam shook his head.  “There was a lot of anger goin’  ‘round, but not much of it was directed at me.”

Steve rubbed his nose against Sam’s.  “I’m glad.”  He kissed Sam again, then sighed.  “Well, I guess now that we’re all here, we should try to get some sleep.”

“I’ll get the lights,” Bucky said, springing to his feet.  He shut off the lights and got into bed.

Before, he’d been so preoccupied with getting Clint to safety and making sure Sam didn’t take the fall for them that it had been easy to push his other thoughts to the back of his mind.  But now, laying in the dark without distraction, he couldn’t stop thinking them, and he quietly cried.

 

* * *

 

Bucky’s heart pounded as he walked in the direction of his sister’s apartment, muscles protesting.  Interestingly enough, cleaning all day wore him out more than their usual training exercises.  At least he wouldn’t be on street sweeping duty tomorrow night, and would be able to get a full night’s sleep.

Bucky almost expected not to find Clint at Rebecca’s apartment.  He still couldn’t believe Clint was really alive.  He’d dreamt of the blond so many times that he was terrified this would turn out not to be real.

Bucky had to take a deep breath, planting his feet firmly on the floor before knocking on Becca’s door. 

His sister greeted him with a smile and a hug.  “Hey,” she said.  “Come on in.”

When Bucky stepped inside, his knees wobbled.  There was Clint, sitting down and looking perfectly fine.  Bucky studied what Clint wore.  Clint was wearing _Bucky’s_ clothes.

“Um, yeah,” Becca said as she shut the door.  “I hope you don’t mind.  I gave him some of your old clothes.  I figured it was better than that hospital gown.”

“No, I don’t mind.  I don’t need them anymore.”

Becca smiled awkwardly as Bucky sat beside Clint.  “We spent a lot of the day playing cards and talking,” Rebecca said.  “He told me what he remembers of the Trials.  It was interesting to hear about it from his point of view.”

Bucky looked up at Becca.  “So he still doesn’t have all his memories.”

“No, I don’t,” Clint replied quietly.

Bucky smiled apologetically at Clint.  “Sorry.  This is still weird for me.”

“You think it’s weird for _you_?”

“Yeah, I know.  It’s a lot weirder for you.”

Clint shook his head.  “You don’t understand.”

Becca stepped in.  “Neither of you understands each other’s point of view, but we don’t have time for you to hash it out right now.  The two of you have got to get going to make sure you get there in time.”

Bucky smiled up at his sister.  “I thought you were supposed to be the younger one.”

“Well, you aren’t acting much like the older one.”

She was right.  Bucky stood up, offering his hand to help Clint to his feet.  Clint took the hand, staring curiously at Bucky’s metal fingers, but not commenting on them.

“Here,” Becca said, shoving a bag at them.  “Clint and I put together some stuff for him to take.  A few more items of clothes.  Some ration bars.  A water bottle.”

Bucky smiled, taking the bag with his free hand.  He would not let go of Clint’s hand.  “Thank you.”

“Yeah, yeah.  Now, get out.  And don’t make me wait too long for our next visit.”

“I won’t.”

Bucky led Clint outside, and together, they walked briskly in the direction of the rebel base.

 

* * *

 

“They don’t know you’re coming,” Bucky explained as they approached the door.  “Or that you’re alive.  They’ll probably be surprised.”

Clint let out a dark chuckle.  “Surprised?”

Bucky turned back to give him a grin.  “C’mon.  Let’s see how they react.”  He rang the doorbell.

A few seconds later, he heard Natasha call through the door.  “Hello?  Who is it?”

“It’s me, Buck.”

The door opened, and Natasha’s eyes widened.

Bucky smiled.  “I know.  You never thought you’d see him again.”

“Get him in here!  Hurry up!”

Once they were inside, Bucky explained to Natasha what happened while the others took turns hauling in and heating up water so Clint could have a bath.  The rebel base couldn’t have indoor plumbing or electricity: it would be too easy to track down that way.  So they had a well and relied on gas lamps, and if someone wanted a bath, it involved hauling in and heating up bucket after bucket of water.

Needless to say, the rebels were a scruffy bunch.

“I want some alone time with Clint after he takes his bath,” Bucky said, a little bit tentative.

Natasha nodded.  “Of course.  There’s a room just outside where he’s taking his bath.  You two can take as long as you need to in there and nobody will bother you.”

Bucky smiled.  “Thanks, Nat.”

Natasha smiled.  “No problem.  Glad to have him back with us.”  She turned and walked into the other room.

Bucky took a deep breath and walked into the room she’d mentioned.  He sat on the bed, looking around awkwardly as he waited for Clint to come through the door.  Occasionally, he heard splashing noises, and would feel his face growing hot picturing Clint in the bath.  That beautiful, strong body he’d never thought he’d see again, wet and glistening in the semi-darkness...  

No.  He couldn’t give in to thoughts like that.  They had more important things to discuss.

After what felt like ages, Clint emerged from the room.  He wore a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt that looked a little too tight.  Then again, with his muscles, Clint could make any shirt he wore look too small.

Clint gave Bucky a smile.  “Hey.”  His hair was still damp, and he hadn’t combed it at all. 

Bucky laughed as he saw how Clint’s wet hair stuck out every which way.  “Come here.  Let me fix your hair for you.”

Chuckling, Clint sat beside Bucky on the bed.  It was remarkable that either of them was capable of laughing.

Bucky flattened Clint’s hair in silence, thinking about how to say what was on his mind.  He took a deep breath, then let it out loudly.  “Do you really not remember what happened to you?”

Clint shook his head.  “I’m sorry.”

Bucky shook his own head, throat aching.  “No.  You—you don’t have to apologize.  Not…not when…”  He let out a frustrated sigh.  “You were _dead_ , Clint.  You died in my arms.”  Bucky sobbed.  “And there was nothing I could do.”

And that was when Bucky Barnes broke down.  His hands fisted Clint’s shirt, and he buried his face against Clint’s shoulder as he cried. 

Clint rested his hands on Bucky’s sides, rubbing them soothingly.  “Shh…”

“What did they do to you?  _What did they do to you_?”

“Shh…shh…I’m alright now…”

Bucky looked up at him.  “How can you be sure?”

Clint didn’t answer.  His fingers trailed down to Bucky’s metal ones, running over them.  “Your fingers…”

“I lost them after the last Trial.  Frostbite.”

“Because you went back for me…” 

Guilt came across Clint’s face, but Bucky refused to let him feel guilty.  He rested his hand on Clint’s face.  “I’d rather have you than my fingers.”

Just like that, their lips were touching each other’s.  The kiss started out small, with a touch of desperation and even a little fear, but then it grew and deepened, and the fear went away.  Their arms encircled each other’s bodies, pulling each other closer.  Clothing was pulled off, and the two explored each other’s bodies in every way they could think of.

Hours later, when the two were done, they lay in each other’s arms,

“I thought I’d never see you again,” Bucky said.  “But now you’re here in my arms.”  He hugged Clint closer.  “I still can’t believe it.”

Smiling, Clint kissed the top of Bucky’s head.

Bucky sighed.  “I really ought to get going, though.  They’ll wonder what’s up if I’m gone all night.”

Clint let go of Bucky so he could get up.  Bucky started putting his clothes back on.  “I really don’t wanna go.”

“But you have to.”

Bucky got the chills, but couldn’t place why until he realized that what they just said was very similar to something they’d said during the trials.  “You came back…”

Clint wrapped his arms around Bucky’s waist from behind.  “Of course I did.”  He kissed Bucky’s cheek.  “I will _always_ come back to you—even after death.”

Bucky turned to look Clint in the eyes.  “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too.”

Bucky kissed Clint on the lips.  “I’ll see you soon, okay?”

Clint nodded, pressing another kiss to Bucky’s lips before he let him go.

Bucky would keep his promise to Clint.  He would bring down the Establishment for him.  Except now, he would be able to do it with Clint at his side.


End file.
